I had a soul search last night. Hmm...lets see. So before I was with Kanja, I didnt really feel the need to share anything with anyone, especially coz i felt i was at risk of it being not as wow or not as important to others as it was to me. so I acquired this amazing talent of dodging questions, deviating from things, fronting and not telling people what is really going on in me. But! and this is like a really BIG BUT ...in italics, underlined and highlighted! - for some reason...(i think its love), i just cant do it with Kanja! I'm like this little girl showing her teacher the pretty butterfly she drew, so she can get a "Wow...kipepeo...thats so pretty"! So all my pride falls out from under me, i go running to him with stuff and if i dont get the desired response, i pull away in a "push him away" way!...I suddenly become all defensivly cold and hard faced! Its like i realise what i was doing and my pride comes back and i need to feel like im in control again. Like I dont need anyone's approval! Its the most weirdest, stupid, petty thing. But it happens. And i dont realise it, till its happened! Then I kick myself and tell myself to grow up!...then it happens again! Its like this vicious cycle that i cant break out of! Geez i think i need a holiday...maybe even a shag!