Tuesday, July 26, 2005

This is exactly what i feel right now. My boyfriend is moving house so when i get back home, he shall be living on the other side of town from me. So so so so so far!!! Right now, i just feeling like what this baby is doing! We work so hard at what we have. Its so special. But its hard! We always have obstacles thrown at us. Yet we get by. we're perfect together and even perfect seems like an understatement but i cant think of another word to describe it. We cant give up, I can't give up on us. I read Oriah mountain's The invitation on miss k's blog and this stanza did it for me...

It doesn’t interest me who you know

or how you came to be here.

I want to know if you will stand in the centre of the fire

with me

and not shrink back.

I know he will, but thats just not enough, i have to be strong enough to do the same. Thing is, everyone thinks i'm a strong willed person... i let them think that. I'm a great actor and in the midst of turmoil i can front a perfect calm. Its a talent i've learnt to perfect. I dont know if its a bad thing or if its a good thing. Its just something that i do. But with him, with kanja, i give in. I let him take care of me, protect me. He knows all my weaknesses and for some strange reason...i think its love, I'm ok with it. I'm fine with the vulnerability that comes with being so open with him. I'm fine accepting that with him its ok to let down my guard coz i know he's there to help me fight my battles. But its hard being away. Its hard coz he knows me well enough to know there's something bothering me just by me curling into him. I never have to say it, he will know. But we're so far, i cant curl into him, i have to say it if somethings bothering me. It's hard, its not part of me, but i'm slowly learning. So why if we're so perfect do we have so many things in our way? Cant we just move to some island somwhere and just be? Just me and him....maybe sometimes a computer to blog...but basically just him and i!

Thou art to me a delicious torment.

Ralph Waldo Emerson


Blogger Farmgal said...

I feel for you gal, but at least you'll be in the same country. its even tougher if you live hundreds of miles apart.
it'll be alright, sawa?

1:11 PM  
Blogger Storm said...

I know just how you feel. I don't think that I could possibly live away from my love.

4:48 PM  
Blogger akiey said...

Kipepeo, it's clear you have strong, genuine feelings for your boyfriend & you mean a lot to each other so :
-Vumilia, wala usivunjike moyo, Kipendacho roho ni dawa:))

To me there's no better way to say some things than to do so in one of the 3 most uplifting languages out there. Be strong & stay focused.

7:10 PM  
Blogger nick said...

-haki the kid looks like he's a bout to sneeze!!! anything to cheer u up butterfly-first get back i think ur in a greater distance now and if ur still together him in kinoo and u in githurai wont matter one bit.

7:54 PM  
Blogger kipepeo said...

@farmgal...i do live oceans away from him at this point, but ur right, it will be sawa.
@storm...its harder than u could ever imagine.
@akiey...thanks...thats a really uplifting statement. I'll take it to heart.
@nicky boo...ok, thanks for the smile! he does kinda look like he's about to sneeze now that i look at it that way.

1:12 PM  
Blogger Milonare said...

I kinda wish I had your problem.

My sweetie is a 4 hour flight away!! We text and phone but its not the same.

I understand what you're saying but take heart. It could be worse...

5:15 PM  
Blogger Prousette said...

Absence should be able to make the heart fonder so... a positive on your being apart.
Hang in there someday you SHALL be together.

8:50 AM  
Blogger SHOBALI said...

What doesn't break you, can make you. May God grant you the strength to endure. And may the distance enrich your love for each other. Continually Give thanks for the Love that you have.
Be strong sista.!

12:41 AM  
Blogger gishungwa said...

Gal,you should be grateful that you have a good man and that he's so right for you. At least he is across town thinkof those whose love is across the sea sad huh and you know as much as i do and milonare that phonecalls dont cut it. my baby bn away for 3 weeks he comes home on monday and it feels like forever. aint no sunshine when he's gone.
trust me it could be worse

8:41 AM  

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