Wednesday, October 04, 2006

It feels like I just write in my blog when things have gone slightly or drastically warped in my life. Today has been an interestingly bad day. I hate this country, its stupid weather and the fact that I'm a student and have to live with people who think things in strange ways. I just don't understand them and i don't want to understand them and it just irkes me!! So it's like me thinking what the hell are they on about as they continue to go off in what sounds like something between mars-ish and pluto-ish. Sometimes I'd rather be a rock and just be there with no apparent emotion...apparent coz who am I to conclude that rocks have no emotion. Maybe they do and they just sit there thinking people like me have a sorry, sad life! Running around getting stressed and they just sit there watching the world go by. What bliss!! But instead this is me. In all my simplicity and complexity....a simple kinda complex. A thousand and one things going on in my head, sitting in my yellow duvet, in my room with yellow curtains, bottles and potions staring at me, and me thinking I'm going to make a difference in this world if it kills me....well I think it will kill me at this pace. But hey...!!

I miss people that I wish were normal,
don't know if I miss others.
My heart's a jumble of emotions
and I just want to cry.
If only I knew what exactly the crying was for,
or for whom,
so I don't.
Instead I go around with this big bubbly smile
as if its all hunky dorry
well it's not
it's far from
I just want ....
I don't even know what I want
but I want it
maybe it'll make the empty flutters go away
maybe it'll make me feel whole
like there's nothing missing
just like I did when I was 9
when all that mattered was hopscotch
and getting my tongue red from red devils
maybe it'll bring back the innocence
but its not that easy is it

But this makes me feel a tad bit better


Blogger Princess said...

Just hang in there..things always have a way of getting better!! The hopscotch and red devil comments put a grin on my is truly simple when we are children.

11:37 PM  
Blogger spicebear said...

hey nyas.

i get you on how you feel. i was there, i still think i am. i was kicking myself for being too idealistic and so on and so forth. makes me wonder what the big deal was about .... everything. when all else fails things make me feel better. crying, dancing and laughing. heres a clip, hope you get to do all three

11:48 PM  
Blogger gishungwa said...

Keep your head up missy and try to smile . YOu will be ok.

7:37 AM  
Blogger mama shady said...

ai!we feel you!there enough of us out here who feel the same way!i keep on askin myself,'so now what am i doing here seeing as im kinda miserable?!' but life is meant to be lived!hallelujah!so dont let it get you down sana,squeeze as much fun/life as you can out of finland so that when you go back home, God willing, it wouldnt have been a waste!

11:45 PM  
Blogger Mr Teddy said...

woie crys, issues are like eclipses. really dark, weird and always come at inopportune moments. but they're also fleeting, and without them we'd never be able to really enjoy the sunshine. so ngojea tu sunshine, coz its deff on the way.

9:22 AM  

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