wow...

So kanja’s phone was stolen and I cant text him, he cant text me. It’s the first time in more than a year that we’ve gone for more than a day without saying anything to each other. It sucks. Now I know just how big a part he plays in my life. Im almost going mad, keep checking my phone to see if he’s written, then I remember that he doesn’t have his phone. This whole distance thing can really kill get to you, but then, id rather have it that way than not have him at all. Iv asked him before, and myself, if we’re doing the right thing, or do I have to love him enough to let him go…they always say if it was truly meant to be, he’ll come back, but there is no way I could do that. I just cant not have him in my life….plus he knows way too much about me..id have to kill him. So I really miss him!!!!!!!!! So I started work today, rather, my training, it sucks when you know you should be doing something so much more and what they are training you is just common sense!! Then I remember that im only here for a little bit, I mean I don’t even finish the probation period…(not that they know that ofcourse) But yeah, should be interesting. I feel so much better these days. I feel like im actually going somewhere and doing something and not just everything is just hopeless. I miss daniela, I miss jacopo, but I can always go back to italy for a holiday, so its ok. I think im talking to my dad again after our world war 3. So im getting there. It feels like iv been fighting and battling, but I know I have many more wars to go, so I think iv resigned to that fact. So that’s all for now. I think I almost have a life again.