Monday, December 12, 2005

I've got a long draft post that I've saved. I havn't finished it, but i will post it when I am. Right now, I'll write what's on my mind. I'm going home tomorrow. I know alot has changed. I hate sickness. I hate when other people are sick. I don't know what to do with the whole situation.
My aunt was diagnosed with cancer like 3 months ago. She's gone for some sessions of chemo but she's deteriorating relatively fast. The doctors aren't treating her for cancer anymore. She's too weak to have anymore chemo. All they can do is treat her for the pain. She used to live in her own house, now she goes between my house and her daughters house. She has to have a nursing aid because she can't stand up on her own most of the time anymore, she needs help to have a bath. In short, she's really sick. I don't know what to expect. She was fine and healthy when I left. I don't want to see her like that - in that state where she's so weak. Thats not the aunt that I know. I don't really know how to handle it all. It's a little scary...ok quite scary.

13 Comments:

Blogger Poi said...

Hey Kips I can realte to what you must feel. Preparing to go face someone you know,care for and love who u left fine and is now sick I can imagine what that must feel like.

I pray God gives you strength/courage and alot of inner faith to handle the situation. I know you shall be the best you can be for you auntie as she might need you now than she ever did before.

Have a safe trip home, have a good time and God bless in all you. Tk care, chin-up when God is for us no one can be against us, try say a prayer in your heart each time, with time things will come thru.

3:17 PM  
Blogger Mignon said...

I'm truly sorry for the pain and fear you're feeling right now. Your homecoming will be bittersweet, but I hope you'll be ok and despite the sickly state your aunt will be in, nothing will change all the pleasant memories you still hold dear. All you can do is love her to the very end. Best wishes as you travel home to be with your family

6:45 PM  
Blogger Luna said...

Im sure that you will be able to deal with it. Be your beautiful self and just show her love..Remember that quote about not just having days in your life, but putting life into your days and make that your mission..tranfer your fear into her hope.
Have a safe trip home- God speed!

10:20 PM  
Blogger Keguro said...

Be safe as you travel.

Be strong if you can, be vulnerable, as you must.

Treasure the memories you will create and the ones you have.

Remember, we feel pain because we love.

My thoughts are with you.

3:21 PM  
Blogger spicebear said...

i lived with my grandpa and later on my aunt as they both struggled with illnesses that ended up killing them. it didn't seem like it then, but the last moments i spent with them were among the most amazing i ever had with either of them. all i can say is stay positive and be there for them - the small things like having conversations and spending time with them go a very long way. my thoughts and prayers are with your family.

5:07 PM  
Blogger AfroFeminista said...

Hey, my thoughts are with you.

As Spicebear said (and having experienced that), sometimes it works out that the last days/weeks/months with an ill relative are some of the most enriching. They keep you going when they are no longer there. I pray it's the same for you, with time.

Travel safe

7:34 AM  
Blogger mutumia said...

Sweetie--- you'd be surprised at what you can do- especially when it's those that you love and who love you back. You'll be in my thoughts.

Bon voyage my dear.

4:40 AM  
Blogger nick said...

remember its not about how u feel its about the other person...it's hard for u i know...but remember just being there will make all the difference. thast best way to look at it. otherwise welcome back

5:32 PM  
Blogger Farmgal said...

It very difficult to see a loved one suffering but you have to be strong. Its ok to feel the way you're feeling just pray and cry if you have to. My thought are with you!

8:35 PM  
Blogger Kilimanjaro: High and Lo said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

5:37 AM  
Blogger Kilimanjaro: High and Lo said...

oh no sweetie--kipepeo!!!! i was just going to write to thank you for you kind, kind words but when i read this:

"My aunt was diagnosed with cancer like 3 months ago. She's gone for some sessions of chemo but she's deteriorating relatively fast. The doctors aren't treating her for cancer anymore. She's too weak to have anymore chemo. All they can do is treat her for the pain. She used to live in her own house, now she goes between my house and her daughters house. She has to have a nursing aid because she can't stand up on her own most of the time anymore, she needs help to have a bath. In short, she's really sick"....

i couldn't stop crying and my breathing became shallow. sweetie, this is EXACTLY what journey i am on with my dear mother who has advance mestastic cancer. i couldn't read anymore because it was like catching a unguarded glimpse of my pain, hurt, and frustration. who ever you are, i want to give you my sincerest love and a cyber hug dear. i will meditate, sing, and pray for you and your dear aunt tonight. thank you so much for sharing.

oftentimes we feel alone in our painful experiences, but we are not. no never. i am connected with you forever kips. we should connect soon, if only for a moment to share our experiences.

with sincerest love from here,

india

5:39 AM  
Blogger Kilimanjaro: High and Lo said...

also i hugged you several times on your blog, i hope you felt them!!! be safe...

5:44 AM  
Blogger Shiroh said...

Pole, your Auntie will be better, just pray.

2:21 PM  

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