Its been a hard week. My aunt passed on on the Tuesday the 27th. So the whole week, we were working hard at making funeral arrangements for her funeral which was yesterday. My mum and my aunts had to come up with the money to settle the hospital bill and for all the funeral expenses. Kenyans are wonderful people. At the prayer meetings, people just gave. My cousin’s cleaning lady came and gave 100 shillings. I know for her that is quite something and we are grateful for the immense support. Her bill was settled all in one go. With all the running around, it helps to not think about it. But yesterday, there wasn’t really much to organize, more we were there to send her off. It was strange seeing her in her white coffin, nicely lined, looking as though she was asleep, knowing that she was never going to wake up. It was weirder still to watch the soil go over her grave and know she was in there. It was hard to hear her daughter pay her tribute in church, for my mum and all her sisters to sing a song for her. To know she wasn’t ever coming back. I wish we all had the innocence of children. Her grandson asked “why is everyone so sad? Cucu has just gone to heaven!” I wish it was that easy. That simple to take in. It’s not. I don’t know what to think about death. It’s inevitable, but yet too abstract for me to understand. We watched my aunt go. Just in the two weeks I was here, I watched her deteriorate. From the first day I was back, when she spoke to me, sat up in bed, drank her milk with no help, to see her lie in a hospital bed with tubes, too weak to move her legs. We went to see her the last day she was alive. She was a bit delirious, but she spoke, she ate like 5 spoons of soup. Then my mum was called in the evening. She was really weak. She couldn’t move nor open her eyes. But she seemed to respond when you called her name. The next morning, she was gone. I hope she was in peace. I hope it was painless. I hope wherever she is, she is happy. She needed to go. She had lung cancer and by the time she left us, it had spread to her liver, kidney, etc. She had two sessions of chemo, but couldn’t do anymore because she was so weak and didn’t have enough blood to have any more chemo. How can a person be there one day and not there the next? What’s that about? I know it’s for the best, but I can’t help it. And now, after the funeral, there is nothing to organize, everyone is left with this huge mean reality to absorb and its proving hard to. I pray God gives us peace and understanding.