Wednesday, January 04, 2006

Its been a hard week. My aunt passed on on the Tuesday the 27th. So the whole week, we were working hard at making funeral arrangements for her funeral which was yesterday. My mum and my aunts had to come up with the money to settle the hospital bill and for all the funeral expenses. Kenyans are wonderful people. At the prayer meetings, people just gave. My cousin’s cleaning lady came and gave 100 shillings. I know for her that is quite something and we are grateful for the immense support. Her bill was settled all in one go. With all the running around, it helps to not think about it. But yesterday, there wasn’t really much to organize, more we were there to send her off. It was strange seeing her in her white coffin, nicely lined, looking as though she was asleep, knowing that she was never going to wake up. It was weirder still to watch the soil go over her grave and know she was in there. It was hard to hear her daughter pay her tribute in church, for my mum and all her sisters to sing a song for her. To know she wasn’t ever coming back. I wish we all had the innocence of children. Her grandson asked “why is everyone so sad? Cucu has just gone to heaven!” I wish it was that easy. That simple to take in. It’s not. I don’t know what to think about death. It’s inevitable, but yet too abstract for me to understand. We watched my aunt go. Just in the two weeks I was here, I watched her deteriorate. From the first day I was back, when she spoke to me, sat up in bed, drank her milk with no help, to see her lie in a hospital bed with tubes, too weak to move her legs. We went to see her the last day she was alive. She was a bit delirious, but she spoke, she ate like 5 spoons of soup. Then my mum was called in the evening. She was really weak. She couldn’t move nor open her eyes. But she seemed to respond when you called her name. The next morning, she was gone. I hope she was in peace. I hope it was painless. I hope wherever she is, she is happy. She needed to go. She had lung cancer and by the time she left us, it had spread to her liver, kidney, etc. She had two sessions of chemo, but couldn’t do anymore because she was so weak and didn’t have enough blood to have any more chemo. How can a person be there one day and not there the next? What’s that about? I know it’s for the best, but I can’t help it. And now, after the funeral, there is nothing to organize, everyone is left with this huge mean reality to absorb and its proving hard to. I pray God gives us peace and understanding.

14 Comments:

Blogger Farmgal said...

you are in my prayers, you and your family.

8:37 PM  
Blogger Beziq said...

Everything will be OK, I can't imagine how it was when her daughter was talking. Sorry for the loss, prayers ONLY.

2:20 AM  
Anonymous Acolyte said...

Pole sana....

1:53 AM  
Blogger Poi said...

I'm saying a prayer for you :)

5:43 AM  
Blogger Joseph Walking said...

pole sana pole sana

1:22 AM  
Blogger Mignon said...

in moments like this, there's little to say. i pray that God will grant you the peace and understanding you desire and comfort you and your family through this difficult time.

7:27 AM  
Blogger nick said...

It takes time to heal and tho it may take eons...you know we are here!

6:01 PM  
Blogger mutumia said...

Pole sana Kipepeo. I hope that you and your family get the strength to get through this trying period.

May your aunt rest in peace.

7:20 AM  
Anonymous Mocha said...

the innocence of the grandson said it all.....

you are in my prayers!

Peace be with you and your family!

12:16 PM  
Blogger Whispering Inn said...

(Belated) Pole Sana.

12:24 AM  
Blogger Kilimanjaro: High and Lo said...

Hey Sweetness,

My mother made her transistion January 3, 2006 at 8:30 pm. Your beautiful aunt and my beautiful mom are with us always. Much love to you sis!!! birth....life...death... an amazing linear tender cycle. with much love!!

8:15 AM  
Blogger Luna said...

..heaven gained an angel..

3:35 PM  
Blogger Stunuh Jay said...

All my prayers.

8:21 PM  
Anonymous mrteddybear said...

Hey crys. pole for the loss. and like her grandson said, its a better place. sometimes it is that simple. take care now girl

11:04 AM  

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