Friday, April 22, 2005

kipepeo: hmmm

kipepeo: hmmm

What a day. I had a secretary night last night. I hate not knowing about the future and whats going to happen, which is exactly what finland is. I have no clue as to where I will be over the next 3 and a half months. I confess, I’m scared to death. My blog knows this, kanja knows this, my mum knows half of it, the rest of the world thinks I’m fine and ready for the challenge!…I’m not! That’s the truth, plain and simple. As long as I ignore it, its fine, then I remember like yesterday, and everything feels like its all out of control. Had a shower last night, tried really hard to ignore it, but I couldn’t. So I had a good cry last night in the bathroom, wrapped in my towel, sitting on the floor at about 11p.m! I haven’t had a good cry for a while. I did yesterday. I cried it all out! My missing home, my missing my mum, my missing kanja, but most of all, my utter fright over the next 3 and a half months! Then I crawled into bed and fell asleep, thinking about the fact that I wish I could have a good shag….no at that point I didn’t even feel like a cuddle, (which most people would want, feeling like I was). I wanted a very long shag session! Woke up this morning with puffy eyes (why is it that some people don’t get those!!!!!???), but feeling a bit better. Over the past 11 months I have been thrown in the deep end, yeah my parents have an oxygen tube to me, but iv got to do the swimming! Sometimes I gulp down more water than I should, most times it feels like I’m using all my energy to just barely, and I mean barely keep my head above the water, fuck, not even my head, just my nose! Then I went in to the office today for my last day. And at the end, the office gave me a present….a white scarf with sequins and the prettiest card. It made me feel significantly better (my head was out of water all the way up to my neck at that point!!!). Then I remembered who I am. That bubbly, smiley girl almost got lost in the drowning girl…does that even make sense?

10 Comments:

Blogger nick said...

no tribulation will be too much for u...it may hurt like hell...but u will always rise above the water.
Hung in there...remember my meds are also on offer if things get to rough

9:15 AM  
Blogger kipepeo said...

ok, im actually getting quite good at freestyle in this pool of life! Ur meds offer had better still be there in like 2 weeks!!!thanks tho!!!

6:41 PM  
Blogger KymmBr. said...

the fear of the unknown is sometimes something to reckon....i always have this weird feeling that something won't just be right however prepared i am.....but as Nick(Nikola) said yu can always rise above the water.....

just imagin the sharks below yu...and the fear will be a driving force to yu'r success. in short, am saying: yu cant afford not to do yu'r thing so yu might as well go ahead and do it. yu feel me?

12:27 AM  
Blogger kipepeo said...

thanks, thats a new way to look at things. the sharks shall get me going!!!!!!

11:34 AM  
Blogger Jay said...

You know what, you're gonna get through it. And come out stronger. I just know you're gonna be ok.

(Ps I would have said that alot more eloquently but my brain synapses are lying on the floor of a bar somewhere)

BTW I SO feel you on the shag!

3:09 PM  
Blogger kipepeo said...

@ miss k...I wish I could leave my brain particles on the floor of some bar...but i live in a village right now and i need nice music to do that!! am jealous! Anyway, thanks. and yes i need a shag like yesterday...its not good. Upepo mbaya...Shetani ashindwe!!

11:10 AM  
Blogger Guessaurus said...

All I can say Kipepeo is that you have got a whole lot to learn and look forward to. Think of all the stuff you will inform us of. We will be here cheering you on.

And, I definitely definitely feel you on the shag, was climbing walls over the weekend. There's got to be another way :)

4:47 PM  
Blogger kipepeo said...

@ guess...yes there has to be another way!!!Its getting hard!! I think I'm a borderline nymphomaniac, its like iv got withdrawal symptoms!!!when u come up with a way...let me know

9:27 AM  
Blogger kanja said...

its too much work to pretend,fine a "hi,how're u doing" jus as long as they no its not all good.lifes complicated enuff without all those extras.ur not bitchy its being real

11:01 AM  
Anonymous Mr Teddy-Bear said...

Keep your head up girl, coz no one else will ever do it for you..............and even without the sequinned scarf youd have made it. Coz you always had it in you, all it took was the scarf to let it out. N have a ball and a half in Finland.....guess I finnishd with this now, lol (couldn't help that one.

1:59 PM  

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