For some unkown to me reason, my blog has refused to publish photos!! so Miss k if you are reading this, or anyone else for that matter, how on earth do you do it...my blog is starting to look all boring!! Hm, so, the lyrics to the song below I just like. I'm really tired today. Slept really late after going out in the snow and having a blast yesterday, but Finnish for foreigners class at 8a.m is not a great way to start a monday morning I can tell you that much!! So, here I am, not paying much attention to what I'm supposed to do....so will do it later when my brain feels alive and it doesnt feel as if someone poured sand into my eyes!!! OOOOOOHHHH I made tiramisu on saturday night thanks to my dear friend who brought me some mascarpone from italy since you cant find any in this god forsaken frozen land!!! oh lush it was!! yum! totally yum! Anyway, do you ever think one thing and that gets totally thrown back at you when you least expect it. It sort of feels like the rug has been taken out from under you, suddenly everything is spinning and you're in this abyss of nothingness! It's a numb feeling in a painful way if that makes sense! I miss being a child when i had nothing to worry about but being stressed about having to go back in the house by 5 and I wasnt done with my game of hopscotch! That was life. This! This is nothing close to that. This is one gruelling duel after another. Sometimes, you look back and you can laugh at it. You have to to be able to remain sane I guess. Anyway, This year, among my new years reso's....and I am determined to keep them...buy shares and define my style to be more me. I am not going to buy another piece of boring same old clothes item! Everything in my wardrobe is going to have a little spunk of kipepeo, a little spazz of me!! Have a great day y'all! kipepeo kisses

She’s got the kind of look that defies gravity
She’s the greatest cook
And she’s fat free
She’s been to private school
But she speaks perfect French
She’s got her perfect friends
Oh isn’t she cool?
She practices Tai Chi
She'd never lose her nerve
She's more than you deserve
She's just far better than me
Hey, hey!
So don’t bother
I won’t die of deception
I promise you won’t ever see me cry
Don’t feel sorry
And don't botherI’ll be fine
But she’s waiting
The ring you gave to her will lose its shine
So don’t bother, be unkind
She's almost 6"0 feet tall
She must think I'm a flea
I'm really a cat you see
And it's not my last life at all
Hey, hey!
So don’t botherI won’t die of deception
I promise you won’t ever see me cry
Don’t feel sorry
And don't botherI’ll be fine
But she’s waiting
The ring you gave to her will lose its shine
So don’t bother, be unkind

[Whispering]For you, I'd give up all I own
And move to a communist country
If you came with me, of course
And I'd file my nails so they don't hurt you
And lose those pounds, and learn about football
If it made you stay, but you won't, but you won't
So don't bother,I'll be fine, I'll be fine, I'll be fine, I'll be fine
I promise you won't ever see me cry
And after all I'm glad that I'm not your type, not your type, not your type, not your type
I promise you won't ever see me cry

I'm just done reading paulo cohelo's eleven minutes....great book! Does it feel sometimes that everything is falling apart...? You're not where you need to be. You don't really know where that is exactly but you know its not where you are at!?

I'm back in Finland in like minus 30 degree weather!!! Shock to my system after plus 27 degree temperatures!!!! Thank you all for your good thoughts and prayers for my family and I. It meant alot. I had a true vacation. Didnt even really do anything at all on the net....well that has alot to do with the LOUSY internet connection in Kenya. It takes so long to open a page, I just give up. So I am sooooo soooo behind with blogs. I havnt read anything, so I have to sit and catch up with all your blogs. I feel like I've been left way behind. But I shall be ontop of everything soon enough! Promise!!! I had been away from home for a year. I realise that I have grown. People are so different to me now. As well as that, I realised that I simply cannot be in the same 1 metre radius as my father without it culminating into world war 3 over something or other!! Its crazy. Its nice that I live away from him!! I just can't handle it. But like everything else in life, its just one of those things that I have to learn to accept and move on. After my aunts passing, I realise that I have to take control of my own happiness. Nobody shall interfere with that. I refuse! Life is way to short to be fighting over stupid things. I'd rather stay away from problem areas and be happy thank you very much. Or quite simply ignore those problem zones!! Anway, here is to a new lush year full of great awakenings and things!!!

Its been a hard week. My aunt passed on on the Tuesday the 27th. So the whole week, we were working hard at making funeral arrangements for her funeral which was yesterday. My mum and my aunts had to come up with the money to settle the hospital bill and for all the funeral expenses. Kenyans are wonderful people. At the prayer meetings, people just gave. My cousin’s cleaning lady came and gave 100 shillings. I know for her that is quite something and we are grateful for the immense support. Her bill was settled all in one go. With all the running around, it helps to not think about it. But yesterday, there wasn’t really much to organize, more we were there to send her off. It was strange seeing her in her white coffin, nicely lined, looking as though she was asleep, knowing that she was never going to wake up. It was weirder still to watch the soil go over her grave and know she was in there. It was hard to hear her daughter pay her tribute in church, for my mum and all her sisters to sing a song for her. To know she wasn’t ever coming back. I wish we all had the innocence of children. Her grandson asked “why is everyone so sad? Cucu has just gone to heaven!” I wish it was that easy. That simple to take in. It’s not. I don’t know what to think about death. It’s inevitable, but yet too abstract for me to understand. We watched my aunt go. Just in the two weeks I was here, I watched her deteriorate. From the first day I was back, when she spoke to me, sat up in bed, drank her milk with no help, to see her lie in a hospital bed with tubes, too weak to move her legs. We went to see her the last day she was alive. She was a bit delirious, but she spoke, she ate like 5 spoons of soup. Then my mum was called in the evening. She was really weak. She couldn’t move nor open her eyes. But she seemed to respond when you called her name. The next morning, she was gone. I hope she was in peace. I hope it was painless. I hope wherever she is, she is happy. She needed to go. She had lung cancer and by the time she left us, it had spread to her liver, kidney, etc. She had two sessions of chemo, but couldn’t do anymore because she was so weak and didn’t have enough blood to have any more chemo. How can a person be there one day and not there the next? What’s that about? I know it’s for the best, but I can’t help it. And now, after the funeral, there is nothing to organize, everyone is left with this huge mean reality to absorb and its proving hard to. I pray God gives us peace and understanding.