The little village I live in

These are some photos of where I live....I love it.

of tears and stairs...

I've really missed kanja lately. Its easier to hate someone, be angry at them, that way missing them hurts less. The anger hides the longing. The anger is fake, its not real, but it feels better. Thats just how it feels for me anyway. So I look for the littlest thing to feel angry about. But this great person I have in my life just virtually holds my hand and lets me throw all the tantrums I want. He knows I'm struggling with all this and being so far. Today I just cried. Couldnt care less that I'm flat broke and that calling him would cost me ....quite something, no calling card, no nothing, just call....I was in school...actually in the middle of class. I needed to! I needed to hear his voice, I needed to hear him say he loves me. So I did. I walked out of class, dialed and spoke to him....to Kanja. The man that makes me feel better. Heard his voice and just broke down in tears right there in in the stair well. Luckily nobody needed to use that specific stairwell today. Who am I kidding...? Even if someone did, I would not have cared less. Thats just what I needed to be doing. Crying and listening to Kanja's voice. Because he makes my world revolve, because he reminds me that I like ladybugs, because I belong to him...(oh catch me dead some years back saying I belonged to anyone!!!) because what we have is the greatest thing I have ever known. Because it is...it just is!! It hurts to be so far. 2 months and I shall see him. 2 months and I can breath again. just 2 months. I miss him to the point I want to throw up sometimes. It's horrible, but I'd rather have the wailing on the stairs, the nausea, the missing him than not have him at all.

SMOKEY!!!!!!

Do you ever wonder what all "this" is for? Why do we bother...? It kinda feels like my life doesnt belong to me all of a sudden. Its not mine, I feel removed from me and I'm going on just with what i have to do...like a robot! Somebody asked me to think about what the world would be if I wasnt in it....good question...I have to make my presence here known. I have to live this life that was given to me and make sure that it is known that I lived! Then somebody else told me how their life was changing and they were seeing things in a different light...life is way shorter than we think. So burn the nice candles that you think are too pretty to burn, use that perfume you save for special days, wear make up on a normal day...just because you can! When I was small, I had a box of these really cool crayons, they had glitter, crayon holders that were squidgy so it was nice to hold, they smelt lush and there were all the colors you could ever imagine! They were too special to use. So I saved them. I put them in a special place and saved them. Now if you ask me what exactly I was saving them for? I would not be able to answer you. Its not like there was a contract I was waiting for to do a piece that was going to be put in the Louvre, no, but i was saving them for something special....I never did use my crayons...dont know where they are today. Grew out of the excitement of them...but i should have used them then. Used them to write birthday cards for my parents and friends, draw pictures of butterflies for my walls, something, anything!!! So I figure, from now on, I'm going to do something smokey inspired and LIVE!!

I did this quiz to see what bjork song i am.... and it said...


You're "Human behaviour"! You don't
really understnd what happens around, which can
sometimes be the best thing! Even though you
may seem naive, you are truly the opposite -
you set out to understand tthe things your
curious about, and are a happy person.


Which Bjork Song Are You (complete)?
brought to you by Quizilla

Ok, after lots of drumming fingers from milo, i’m finally getting down to doing my tag!! YYYYAAAAAAAY!....drum roll please? Here goes…

Ten years back…
Hmmm…that would be 1995! I was in primary school…darn this tag is bad for keeping your age under cover!!! Anyway, I was in primary school, wearing a white blouse, a blue pleated skirt and a red sweater. oh and red ribbons in my hair. Lord knows why we were not allowed to use hairbands!! My primary school life flew by without anything interesting other than hopscotch and sleepovers!!

Five years back…
That would be the year 2000! HIGH SCHOOL!!! Now those were the best days of my life. Drama, gossip, enough stories to keep you busy. Who was going out with who, who was found cheating on who, what to wear for school dances, school camps at mt. Kenya. Those were the best days of my life without a doubt!!

Last year…
Hmmm this time last year I was in Perugia, Italy enjoying the last of the summer! Met soooo many really great people, partied enough for a life time. Really really enjoyed the art, the culture, men on scooters, the food, ice-cream, did I mention the food? Little did I know that my life would take a turn in a totally different direction and id end up in Finland….?

Yesterday…
Had classes the whole day! Finally got a clue in my financial accounting class! Until yesterday, I was rather wondering how that professor man got some of those figures!! Went to the body shop to get some essential oils…oh they all smell sooo lush, couldn’t decide. So I concluded I’d just have to go back again! Went for diner…very good diner, and went to bed!

5 places I’d love to be in right now…
Malindi…there’s just something bout that place.
Venice….not the touristy bit of it, but the real Venice where real people live, its amazing!
My boyfriends bed….actually that's my favourite place in the whole world.
Glastonbury…I just like all the weird little shops, witches, the whole feel of it is magical.
Nepal…Don’t ask why! It just seems enchanting.

Catch me dead in these five things…
Anything with polka dots on it! I hate polka dots!!!
ankle boots and a skirt that’s short enough to show them….no way!
a curly kit!! those things are rank…all that gel dripping off…I know I’m supposed to write about clothes but I just had to put that one down.
red lipstick with black liner!.....eeeeeeeeeeeew!
high waist anything! that my dear friends is a big WRONG!!!!

So, if I had a million, I would…
pay for mine and kanja’s master
buy my parents a house in malindi
buy myself a house in Nairobi and somewhere in the british country
go on a shopping spree in italy
go on a wow holiday with kanja to somewhere lush….by the way im hoping the million is in euros, better yet sterling pounds!!!

5 greatest joys…
eating jelly sweets in bed with my boyfriend
dancing
meeting old friends
going for coffee with my girlfriends
lauging

5 songs I know the words to…
twinkle twinkle little star
shoorooroop daw shoorooroopdooroopdoodaw…always be my baby…Mariah!!!
the captain planet theme song!!!
I’ll be missing you…faith evans and diddy as he calls himself these days.
hunter…dido

My favourite munchies…
jelly sweets
crisps…cheese and onion.
chevra
chapati with jam on top
chocolate!!!!!!


So….hihi…I kipepeo, hereby tag…
the movement

machozi

spicey

bankelele

haidhuru

There you go...may you all complete this task successfully!!

hmm...milo tagged me, was just done completing the tag, then the darn computer went balistic and closed my windows...couldnt be bothered to do it all over again just now...will do when im less frustrated!! oh and could someone please tell me what mood swings these are that my whole side bar has decided it looks better at the bottom and not where it should be? how can it just decide by itself like that?

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh!!!!!! why on earth does everything have to be sooooo darn complex!!!????i need a residents permit, they wont give me one because my passport will expire in july of next year and the permit will expire in september, so they need a passport that will be valid till september....meaning i have to go all the way to helsinki to renew it! The embassy really has lots of issues!! its just crazy! all this red tape!!! Geez!!!

"Moving at the speed of life, we are bound to crash into each other....." I took this from the movie crash which i watched over the weekend. I think it was a great movie and it got me thinking. It deals with color and mostly misunderstanding. Misunderstanding...this horrible thing that messes us up so many times...well at least me. Just the other day some friends of mine and I were talking bout how its in our minds that we're black in a european country. As much as i dont like to think that i do it, everytime someone looks twice at me, I go off this tangent thinking..."its because of my colour"...i catch myself thinking that even when a dog barks at me and it didnt bark at the next person. Its all a big misunderstanding...at least i would like to now think so. See, we all have stereotypes. If you are a certain color, you apparently have certain traits. Even if you are all the same color, then something else like tribe judges what type of person you are and in kenya, it goes as far as judging by the area you live in. If you live in Runda, Muthaiga, etc, you'll be judged as a spoilt brat who doesnt know a thing about life, whereas if you live in kariobangi, mathare, you're apparently hard core and all other labels we put on ourselves. Not many people actually think of individuals. I was talking to someone the other day...he comes from buruburu, i live in nyari. He went off saying how i have no idea what poverty is, i have never seen it, but he knows, he lives with it. I had tears of frustration in my eyes as a result. Oh and did i mention how he thinks that there is no poverty in rural kenya....? He's already painted this picture of me...sitting in a chauffer driven car with tinted windows to school, back home, go shopping in the malls, go on holiday to whitesands. Its funny how wrong he is. I guess it also has to do alot with being interested. I've been to places where people are actually dying of hunger...yes in rural kenya!!! I've been to the slums, I've done community work. Thing is, he justifies himself by saying he sees poverty everyday...so??? So now that you see it every day, you're not doing anything about it, how on earth does that help anybody?? Anyway, i just totally went off in a different direction there. Back to my post! All these filters that we have and all the stereotypes do nothing but harm. We need to take people as just that....people, whether you're black, yellow, whatever! You're a person. I like how spicebear wrote about all this in relation to the tragedy in the states and she ended her post with the song we sang as children how god loves all the little children of all colors....i think thats a touching song. If we can search ourselves to find that tolerance to live at peace and in harmony with each other. To not think that this or that happened ..."because i'm black", not hold on to our purses extra tight when you see a certain person from a certain area. I know its hard, I know its hard to judge when to draw the line, but maybe we put too much on things that dont even exsist.

my newly acquired gift of flight!! hihi

This my fellow bloggers is me at the moment! ok a few less bandages, but i sure do feel like this. I'll tell you what happened if u all promise not to laugh!!....promise?...ok, here goes...so there i was riding my cool bicycle to school...ok, its not that cool, but it moves ok!! Anyway, this old man came out of the nowhere and i had to break, i had earphones in my ears, and a bag on my shoulder...oh and sunglasses on my face...out of all the confusion, i braked really hard...note... i was cycling at some speed that would even shock sonic the hedghog and kimba the white lion...(totally off the point here but do you guys remember kimba on tv? when he ran really fast, he only ran on three legs...i swear!!) Anyway, back to serious matters...so i braked really hard with both brakes, but mostly my front ones...so you can only imagine what happend! There i went flying across the sidewalk - earphones, bag, sunglasses, everything...at least i fell with style...even with a soundtrack...i tell you wycleff shall never sound the same again! Anyway, so the old man wasnt hurt...why would he be after i practically threw my life on the road for him! And some dude on a motorbike stopped to see if i was ok....i can laugh now...note the "I"...all of you had better not even have a hint of a smile on your faces!!!!!! I mean it!! So i picked everything up and went off to school. Only to find that i had confused my timetable...see we didnt have class yesterday coz there was an opening ceremony and i looked at my monday schedule instead of my tuesday, so i looked and felt like a total ditz!! But after getting through all my lessons, i went to see the school nurse who bandaged me up. My knee really hurts and so does my hand, but i shall live to tell another tale! So that was my day!

a new beginning

ok, so today was my first day of business school. I hate that newbie feeling. I didnt know anyone and apart from me, there was a really really tall guy from sudan. So, that makes only two black people in my class. I think he's really wow. he's 40, he's married with 5 kids and is just starting out with his degree. That my friends is something to look up to! In Finland the education system makes the professors more laid back which i really like. For example one professor introduced herself and continued to add that if anyone's hobby has anything to do with dogs, they should go to her because she's a doggy person!!...ok!! There are people from all over, so its nice to meet all the different people! Oh, then iv got this really huge polish professor. He's hilarious. He's always on his touch screen phone looking all busy. Did i mention he is huge!! And dude does he sweat! He was wearing a blazer ontop of his dress shirt and you could see the sweat stain seeping all the way round to the front of his chest from under his arms or wherever it was from!!! Major eeew! But he made us all really laugh to make up for it! And the chinese students have chinese names, but when they introduce themselves, they tell you that they shall give you their english names because its easier. True. But i didnt know they had English names like matilda, maggie, jessie! Hm. Quite interesting. OH and this is a big OOOOOOH! I moved into my new room! It's sooo exciting. put up my mirrors, my curtains just fit, my fitted sheets are a little too big, but a bit of kipepeo magic and you would never tell, my candles add that extra spunk. All in all, i'm feeling really good about it!!!....About everything actually...apart from the fact that school starts at 8 tomorrow morning!! 8!!! Geez!!