my toes!!!

MY TOES!!!!!!!!!! I have a thing about taking pics of my toes. I love these sandals. Got them from the greatest place in the world...MALINDI!!!! this pic was taken in a place in Finland called Vetelli...somewhere in the north. hee hee...posting pics of my toes on my blog! how naughty!

This is exactly what i feel right now. My boyfriend is moving house so when i get back home, he shall be living on the other side of town from me. So so so so so far!!! Right now, i just feeling like what this baby is doing! We work so hard at what we have. Its so special. But its hard! We always have obstacles thrown at us. Yet we get by. we're perfect together and even perfect seems like an understatement but i cant think of another word to describe it. We cant give up, I can't give up on us. I read Oriah mountain's The invitation on miss k's blog and this stanza did it for me...

It doesn’t interest me who you know

or how you came to be here.

I want to know if you will stand in the centre of the fire

with me

and not shrink back.

I know he will, but thats just not enough, i have to be strong enough to do the same. Thing is, everyone thinks i'm a strong willed person... i let them think that. I'm a great actor and in the midst of turmoil i can front a perfect calm. Its a talent i've learnt to perfect. I dont know if its a bad thing or if its a good thing. Its just something that i do. But with him, with kanja, i give in. I let him take care of me, protect me. He knows all my weaknesses and for some strange reason...i think its love, I'm ok with it. I'm fine with the vulnerability that comes with being so open with him. I'm fine accepting that with him its ok to let down my guard coz i know he's there to help me fight my battles. But its hard being away. Its hard coz he knows me well enough to know there's something bothering me just by me curling into him. I never have to say it, he will know. But we're so far, i cant curl into him, i have to say it if somethings bothering me. It's hard, its not part of me, but i'm slowly learning. So why if we're so perfect do we have so many things in our way? Cant we just move to some island somwhere and just be? Just me and him....maybe sometimes a computer to blog...but basically just him and i!

Thou art to me a delicious torment.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

To be a woman...

This post is a bit out of my norm...acutally a bit out of the usual norm as a whole! Its a bit more personal and one of those topics that people dont really want to talk about, yet it's there. It happens to every woman, every month! Some go through it for 2,3 days, others a week, depends from woman to woman. It's happened for generations, the same things my body experiences now, some lady thousands of years ago experienced and its an amazing thing. So its about that time for me. I must admit, although my cycle is amazingly irregular, my period passes through like a breeze, i dont feel any different apart from my ocassional pit stops in the little girls bathroom. But this time, my goodness, i feel like i've been run over by a ten ton truck. My head feels like its not mine, im a bit dazy, my lower back has this tired-ish sensation that is a borderline dull pain, my tummy feels really weird and i just feel like crawling into some crevice. The fact that i went carting yesterday and got so amazinly bruised doesnt help the situation...off the main point here, i have a new found respect for formula one drivers. who would ever think that sitting and driving a car around (despite the adrenaline rush) would leave u so perfectly bruised?....Hmph. Anyway, so back to my body in the now. It got me thinking and as a woman, i dont even know what the word menstruation means, its just this scary word, i mean, couldnt they have made it a nicer word. Sheesh. Anyway, i looked it up, and this is what i came up with....

The word menstruation stems from the Greek root “men,” meaning “month,” and “menus” meaning “moon” and “power.” In Sanskrit, the root word “menses” means “ritual.”

Ok, ok, so its not too bad, i especially like the "power" bit! In the process of looking into the whole "power'' thing, thats my new term for it by the way, i came across some pretty interesting articles, like this one about the courage to discover menstruation and this one too which gives interesting insight into a mans point of view. There's so much stuff about it. I'm quite amazed. However, with all this information, we still keep it under wraps, dont talk about it, have code words for it. Its a natural part of being a woman. Something that's part of the cycle to bring forth life. That i think is truly special. I'm not saying I'm going to go out anouncing to the world every time i have my period, but i'm not going to treat it as if it's some taboo thing going on. Although, i still think i need a warm cup of tea, a blankie, a good movie and no irritating people around me!

I absolutely ADORE babies. I know im too young to think of bringing a little one into this mad mad world but that doesnt stop me from swooning over them. As a result of my love for babies, i love all pieces by Anne Geddes! So here are some of her pieces.
Firstly how could i resist a tiny kipepeo....so tiny....


We all have angels watching over us all the time, but these ones are sooooo cute!


Last night i didnt sleep very well...apparently this little fellow has no problems in that department....


Mother (i would like to think) and child oh so at peace. Its amazing how children can get that inner peace out of you without you even knowing it.


Oh i just had to put this one up. I love the colours, its like chocolate, and the different textures. with the wrinkly little baby and smooth alek with her brilliant smile. gorgeous!


just look how nicely this little one fits into the flower.



And lastly, just so that you all have a smiley day, how could you resist smiling along with this one. baby bliss!!!!

ok, i was tagged for this, i know i know, its like really late, but hey i'm still doing it right!? Oh i must add that i have a pathetic memory that just refuses to be redeemed so u shall have to bear with my explanations about books in place for the actual books name....at least im trying!!! so here goes...

-# of books that you own?

goodness! i have no idea. I read alot, but iv lost many books to people who borrow them and dont return them...tsk tsk! So i couldnt tell.

Last book you bought?

Politics by andrew heywood. dont ask.

-Five books that mean a lot to you?

hmm...lets see...

the red tent was amazing. its about dinah, joseph's brother....u know joseph in the bible. Anyway, its about her life. It was really interesting to read about a womans life at that time. i recomend it!!

then there is "i know this much is true" by wally lamb.

then..the davinci code. i know. its controversial, but it brings up a few interesting points that got me really thinking.

sushi for beginers...forget the authors name, but one of those books that had me laughing during a bad time.

then...there is this book that i read some time ago. its got a red cover and it was about hitler. Cant remember the name for the life of me, but i remember it was a great book.

Last book(s) you've read?

again my memory fails me. but this book about a lady who goes to finland in search for an answer to her present state. quite good.

Pick 5 Bloggers

hmmm lets see...spicey..this is in a bid to make u stop neglecting ur blog!!!!!, then mental, then, bankelele...hm..that should be interesting, then, supaflyshi and lastly the movement! ha there u all go!!!

This is a beach a few minutes from where i live....isnt it gorgeous!!!

the piece above is from robyn lea. Finland is the land of sauna's. And yes sauna means baking yourself with absolutely no clothes on! I must confess before finland I would never be caught dead in a sauna....more because of the fact that it meant i had to take my clothes off, even though i didnt, i mean, doesnt it just feel rather a bit too revealing to be just lying around in a towel...!!!?? Once here, boy wasnt i baptised by fire. I found myself with all my clothes off and sitting in this boiling hot sauna. And they call the ones in kenya sauna's, those things are like freezers compared to what temparatures the finnish sauna's put you through. But hey, what do you know! I kinda like them now. I shed off all my clothes, get in there....(for all the girls, its a great place to treat your hair!!), and just relax in temparatures that average between 60 to 100 hundred degrees celsius. The most I've done is possible in the 70's. Boy its hot. But its great for bonding. I can sit in there chatting away for ages. When i get out, i have a nice shower and I'm so relaxed its amazing. Laze around in my towel while I'm sipping on something and there I've got myself a great evening. Plus its done alot for my inhibitions about my body! Its not that i go around stark naked, but I'm actually more comfortable with myself. Gone are the days where even alone in my room I would jump into my clothes coz being naked was just not the thing to be!

She lives a sophisticate's life among worldly people. At the slightest excuse she steps out of civilization, naked and relieved, as I should step out of a soiled chemise.
Marjorie Kinnan Rawlings, Cross Creek

Today i wrote to one of my very good friends...actually scrap that, my best friend apart from kanja! We've kinda grown a bit distance over the past few months. I've had a lot on my plate with all the moving and stuff. I know i should have probably spoken to her, but I didnt. I dont know why and I cant explain myself. So i feel a bit not so nice if you know what i mean. She's one of those people i always have a blast with. We both have our faults but we know that and we work around them. She brings sunshine to my life at those times when im fighting with some boyfriend or i just didnt understand what part of their brains my parents thought with. I remember when we were in high school, we were desk mates and our class tutor changed the class seating arrangment and we were separated, and we actually cried! It seems so silly now, but thats how much of a friend she is. I really miss her. But there are those times when you struggle so much with life, it feels like you're constantly fighting something. I dont feel like talking and relaying everything. It just makes it feel like im going through it all a second time. I ignore as much as i can when it comes to bad things. But that still doesnt give me the excuse to shut out important people in my life. My storm has ended. I'm feeling at peace with myself and the world now. It even feels strange not to have some hurdle to jump or some problem to solve. I guess the world is finally giving me the break i used to scream for all those times. So here's to making sure i dont cut off people i so dearly care about coz im just thinking of me.

"The music may stop now and then, But the the strings will remain forever..."

latest in baths!

hmmm...i had another interesting weekend. Saturday night i really danced....like i really got down and i was oh so sober. But it was fun! Sunday was interesting. I had a bath...complete with candles and all....in an inflatable kids pool in the bathroom. I joke not! it was really something. There i was at my friends house and i was like "i wish i could have a bath" so my friends go..."we can arrange that"...a few minutes later, my "tub" was running. It was hot, i had candles and it was so big, i could spread my arms and just float on the spot. So I lay there for like half an hour. Floating. I thought about nothing but my breathing and watched the shadows from the candles. I lay there and just was. It was the most relaxing thing iv done in a long while.

smile...just needed to put that down!

I like this song by enigma...
its called gravity of love...

''O Fortuna
velut Luna"
"O Fortune like the Moon"
Turn around and smell what you don't see
Close your eyes ... it is so clear
Here's the mirror, behind there is a screen
On both ways you can get in
Don't think twice before you listen to your heart
Follow the trace for a new start
What you need and everything you'll feel
Is just a question of the deal
In the eye of storm you'll see a lonely dove
The experience of survival is the key
To the gravity of love
"O Fortuna velut Luna"
"O Fortunelike the Moon"
The path of excess leads toThe tower of Wisdom
The path of excess leads toThe tower of Wisdom
Try to think about it ...
That's the chance to live your life and discover
What it is, what's the gravity of love
"O Fortuna velut Luna"
"O Fortune like the Moon"
Look around just people, can you hear their voice
Find the one who'll guide you to the limits of your choice
But if you're in the eye of storm
Just think of the lonely dove
The experience of survival is the key
To the gravity of love.
"O Fortuna velut Luna"
"O Fortune like the Moon"

yesterday went for a really long long long walk. found myself at some kids play ground. Sat, wrote in my journal, listened to a full enigma album and a full india.arie (nick i remembered the ''.'') plus a full tracy chapman album. Must have been out for like 2 hours. I watched little ants run around their business and just thought about stuff. I'm having a hard time communicating. I have no idea why, but for some reason I just cant seem to get through to someone that i need to get through to. its so hard!!! Goodness, i tumble from one thing right into another. Its nice to have a blog to vent. I dont really tell anyone else all these things. Its just too much of an effort to explain them. So i just daze out and wait till i can blog. Did i mention in a daze yesterday i nearly got run over by a car. Dude!!! i just looked up and there was this car. Talk about a close call. Anyway, hmmmph as my boyfriend says. It always ends well!

little things

wow! I had a really wow weekend that started friday. I went for my first sail. We went on a sail boat to an island thats about 2 hours by sail boat from where i am. It was really great and an amazing experience. We went to this small island called tankari. there isnt very much. There's a light house that was designed by the same person that designed the eiffel tower in paris...but honestly, i didnt really see anything too wow, eiffel tower-y about it. It just looked like a lighthouse. There were also a couple of little museums that had stuff from many years ago to show how the people who lived in the area lived. Just stuff like their clothes, stuff they used to hunt etc. It just got me thinking. If that was in kenya, there would have to be some sort of guard or something, then there would be an entrance fee. At this little museum, there was nobody. Its just something that people should see and so anybody can go in. You just open the door, switch on the lights, take a look around, there's a guest book you can sign and when you're done, you switch off the lights and close the door behind you. Simple as that! If the same thing was in kenya, i can be the lights would have been stolen, the place would be trashed....unless ofcourse there was some sort of care taker, thus a charge would have to be imposed, meaning that not everyone is going to be willing to pay to see some olden days stuff, which they should really. And so its just a vicious cycle. We need to take responsibility as a nation of all our cultural gifts and our heritage and learn to take care of them no matter how small they are.